How to say no to unwanted wedding guests!

29th May 2015 in category Inviting Guests, marryoke Blog tagged as , , , , with 0 and 0
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Hi I’m Will and this blog post will give you simple tips and pointer on how to say no to unwanted wedding guests, or guests you physically can’t have there for whatever reason. So read on – we have all the information you will need!

This can be the most brutal part of your wedding planning. Despite all the stress and organising, couples such as yourselves find the hardest thing to do is saying no to unwanted guests, or guests you want there but simply can’t afford to come. So we have made up a few tips and pointers that should make this process a lot easier.

First step

First thing you should do before you even consider who you’re going to invite, is sit down with your partner and create a rule.
So for example you could say you want it to be a small intimate affair with only close family and friends, but all singles are allowed a plus one. Or if you say you want it to be an adult affair with only children from thJapanGsmallCer07-1e immediate family.
Both these examples we have seen been used in the past and they are a perfect way to trim your guest-list without having to not invite individuals.

When we say making a rule should be the first thing you do, we have actually found some couples prefer to make up their guest list first and then make up a rule that fits around the guests they want. So in that way, it’s almost a bit like cheating really, but they don’t have to know that. This rule doesn’t have to be personal or even the real reason – These couples have just used it as more of a perfect excuse to make a sensitive issue just a little easier.

Second step

The next step is a really important part of the whole process, this is to clearly let everyone know the rule! This is so important because people think it means just mentioning the rule.  It actually means stating it as one of the most important parts of the wedding day.

So include just a sentence or two in your invitations explaining the rule, therefore no one will be offended as it’s your big day. If people still want you to explain further you should tell all close family and friends to spread the word, and also post it on social media and your website. Word of mouth allows you to go into more depth, but social media and a website is a brilliant way to expand on your rule and why you’re using it.

Third Step

This step can of course upset some people (Especially if you haven’t invited your second cousin’s new 3 week boyfriend, who is “the one”). So if you think or know anyone in particular who is going to be upset by your rule, the best thing you can do is get to them first! And never let them find out from other people, social media or from the invitations. Go and speak to them and maybe say something along the lines of

“We wish we could invite everyone but our budget just won’t allow us to. We hope you understand, and we truly can’t wait to celebrate the day with you in some way!”

This should quote should cover you, and if you can’t mention your budget mention that your dream venue just can’t hold that many people. These are both reasons no one can really argue with. And if they are still upset by your decision try and invite them to your hen night, stag do, or any other special event leading up to your wedding day. To make them realise you do want to celebrate with them and want them there, its just a case of can’t, not won’t.


0614-01-engaged-fights-boxing-bride_li-1Fourth step

After all of this any family members or friends should understand why you can’t allow them or for them to bring who they want to the wedding. But don’t get me wrong – more often than not there is one rogue guest who will be persistent and adamant on making a fuss. If this is the case and they confront you or don’t even confront you and just get annoyed, then the best thing for you to do, is be strong, understand it is your day and that they are in the wrong – then have a direct conversation with them. Here’s a couple things you could say,

“We’ve always imagined our wedding as a very small gathering of loved ones. As one of my oldest friends, I really hope you can respect that. We’re looking forward to getting to know your new boyfriend when we return from our honeymoon!”


“We just received your RSVP in the mail and we’re thrilled you’re coming to our wedding! Unfortunately, our budget/venue won’t accommodate children, so you’ll have to leave them home for
the evening. May I help you find a sitter?”

Fifth Step

If after all these efforts and you feel you have done everything, or even if you don’t want to have that direct conversation with them because you feel it’s gone too far, your last option is to hand it over to someone else. Preferably the wedding organiser, as that’s what you’ve hired them for. If not just give it to your mum, close family member or friend to try and smooth it over and talk some sense into them. Because this should never be your main worry about the biggest day of your life, and they are fully in the wrong for even taking it this far.

So follow these simple tips and pointers and it will definitely sort your nutty guests out, allowing you to focus on all the important things about your big day!

We hope it all goes to plan and that you have a brilliant time!

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