How to train your Husband to be!

15th May 2015 in category marryoke Blog with 0 and 0
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Train Your Husband-to-be!

Is your soon to be husband like most fiancées? Un motivated un interested and making it an impossible task to get them involved?

Well don’t worry too much we’re here to help with a few tricks and tips to get your man involved!

Step 1: Finding his skills and interests

You should start by identifying his skill or interests. He might be great at landscape gardening or he could do accounting. Whatever his talents, assign him a job that allows him to take control and utilise these skills – his specific job might not immediately seem suited to anything to do with wedding planning but think more about the basics of what he’s doing and how those might be beneficial.

So if he is an accountant for example, he might be good at drawing up a budget and how you can make the most out of that money. Whether you agree with the end result or not at least you’ll have a starting point for discussion – at this stage focus on the possibilities rather than reasons why he won’t do things exactly the way YOU would.

Draw up a list of his main skills and interests – then think of all of the tasks that need to be done, and whether any of these match up.

Giving him tasks related to his skills and interests is a perfect way of getting your groom involved and a great way to take some pressure off you and give out some jobs.

So when you’re brainstorming the tasks, don’t look at this as its going to be a job half done, because even though he may not do it better, if you assign him a job that fits his interests or skills, you can almost guarantee he is going to put his all in and make an effort. It’ll bring him closer to you during the planning stage and that has all sorts of benefits.

Step 2: Choosing and delegating the perfect role

…is actually designating the right job to your partner. So you’ve found his particular skill, now choosing the job can go one of three different ways. If theres only one job that fits his skill, or one job that he really wants to do then give hime that one!

If a groom ever offers to do a particular job then let him! This isn’t a common request so don’t hold him back because you think you can do a better job.

Because, one, if he has asked you to do it he clearly wants to give it 100% and two because even though it may not be exactly how you want it, he will have brought his own unique touch to the ceremony and even though it may not seem like it leading up to the wording, this will be a great memory for you two to share for years to come.

If he hasn’t asked to do a job then it’s going to be a process of working out what would be best for him to tackle. If you run through your list of tasks, skills and interests, you should prioritise any tasks that he’s both good at AND really enjoys – you’re probably on to a winner with those.

If you’re lucky enough to have multiple jobs that would suit him but don’t want to give him too much, how should you choose? Well this is simple – give him the job that you least mind him messing up! Not because he will mess it up, (because its his skill/interest remember) but by giving him the “least important” job you’re giving yourself less stress leading up to the day. Because you won’t have to work about him doing the job how you want, you can focus more on the remaining tasks. And if he’s making good progress, you can then get him even more involved.

The last option would be that your partner doesn’t have a skill or interest. Well there’s a few jobs that I’m sure anyone could manage…

  • creating the food menus
  • creating the drinks menu
  • you could make him an unofficial tour guide, by asking him to make up a list of sightseeing destinations and places to go for your out of town guests or if your getting married abroad
  • or do what Jill Rosenthal did, “My husband did one thing—kept my mother-in-law out of our plans!” which i think is a perfect example of the small jobs that make a big difference.

Step 3: Encouragement, appreciation and acknowledgement

…is really important when dealing with not just grooms, but men (and in fact anyone!) generally. Three things you should always remember to do is encourage, acknowledge and appreciate. Following these three steps will make your man feel properly involved as well as making him feel like the job or role you’ve given him is making you happy and going to make your day better!

The big mistake that can be made when following these steps is coming across patronising. Because no man wants to feel like he is being taken for a fool. Especially if you’ve already convinced him it’s an important and difficult job.

Step 4: Get his input and decisions

…would be to make make sure you get his input and decisions on at least every other decision. Because even though they may not seem interested at the time, making them make decisions makes them feel important and feel as if the wedding’s more about the both of you.

Just be sensitive to how open he is to particular parts of the wedding plans and with his feelings at any one time – if he’s in the middle of something important you won’t do yourself any favours by INSISTING he spends the next 5 hours running through pictures of every single wedding cake ever made. Remember the wedding, just like marriage, is about compromise and sharing.

So throughout the process always ask yourself ‘Is it my wedding, or is it our wedding?’ – and yes this may be the day you’ve been dreaming about for years to come, but if you both feel involved and if you both have an input it will be a day that you will remember together forever!

A quick recap…

  • 1st step: Finding his skill or interest
  • 2nd step: Choosing and delegating the perfect job
  • 3rd step: Encouragement, appreciation and acknowledgement
  • 4th step: Get his input and decisions – Is it ‘your wedding’ or ‘our wedding’?

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